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Dreams Do Come True, Maybe Not Exactly How We Expect

I still remember, as a child, the million times people asked me the typical most common question: “what do you want to be when you grow up?" The truth is, I was confused. There were so many things I wanted to be.

While growing up, I passed through three phases. There was the phase of “I want to be Sherlock Holmes” because I just loved solving mysteries and uncovering hidden truths. But I soon gave up this dream because I realized that I would be dealing with murderers and criminals and I might see dead bodies or blood scenes. This obviously wasn’t for me. I was too sensitive for that kind of job. So this phase didn’t last long.

Then there was the phase of “I want to be a scientist at NASA” which was very inspiring for me because I wanted to explore the secrets of the universe, the galaxies and outer space. I wanted to discover the mysteries of extraterrestrials, send probes to Mars and find life on other planets. I had very high grades and ranked first in my school, so the potential was high! Yet, this dream was also blown away. This time by my mom who simply said “who do you think you are to work at NASA? Do you think they will hire a Lebanese who has no connections?” and that was the end of it! I didn’t know any better, I didn’t love myself enough back then to hold on to my dream, so I just believed my mom and gave it up.

However, in between those two phases was the “I want to be Indiana Jones” phase, where I dreamt of walking through wild jungles in search of lost cities and treasures. This was a safer version of the Sherlock Holmes phase; looking for clues, putting the pieces of the puzzle together, uncovering the mysteries but without the murderers and blood scenes. Being “Indiana Jones” in my mind was about adventures, mysteries, problem solving, as well as intelligence and creativity. It was about uncovering deep secrets and searching for things that few people will ever find! It was about having the courage to embark on a journey that many are afraid to even think about. It was about having the strength to overcome obstacles and challenges, to put your patience to the test and to keep moving forward no matter what. It was a journey that you do alone or maybe accompanied with a couple of experts.

And this was exactly what I did when I grew up! I went on a journey, a healing journey, that had all the qualities listed above: the uncertainty, the hardships, the challenges, the mysteries, walking the path alone, finding my own strength, and having the faith to keep going when things seemed so hard…The journey was full of adventures, problem solving, putting the pieces of the puzzle together and finding the treasure…. the biggest treasure of all: I found myself. Dreams do come true after all, in their special way and in the form that is best for us!

You Are Never Too Old to Do What You Love

Have you ever wanted to do something and changed your mind because you were told that you were too old for that? Have you ever wanted to change your looks? Get a tattoo or color your hair red? Or maybe shave your hair? Get pierced? Wear funky clothes but you never dared? You were too afraid of what your parents would say, or too afraid of being rejected by society, being judged or perceived differently just because people think you are too old for that?

Part of loving yourself is being true and authentic to yourself, and not pretending to be someone else in order to live up to the image that your parents or society expect from you in order to fit in and be accepted (and loved). Loving yourself means allowing yourself to be who you want to be and the way you want to be no matter who you are or how old you are.

I was 39 and already a mom of two boys when I decided to embrace the artist in me and get some tattoos and piercings. My first tattoo was on my left foot and it says “ Believe”. Everybody’s reaction was “It is too late; you should have done that when you were a teen! You are a mom now and anyway you are going to get old soon and have wrinkles” Seriously? I wanted to get my tattoos and piercing and I did. I was way beyond my teens and I didn’t really care if I didn’t fit people’s image of what a mom of two kids should or should not look like. And I don’t mind at all getting old and wrinkled, I will be an old wrinkled woman with tattoos, isn’t that cool? I would be coolest grandma, can you imagine? It’s so simple. I allow myself to be who I am and do not allow others to put me in their boxes. To be honest, I have been allowing people to put me in boxes all my life. I, myself, have been putting myself in boxes all my life. But not anymore!

Many times my mom would look at me and say “what you are wearing does not suit your age.” Well, who said that a woman my age should dress in a certain way? Who decides? And what has age got to do with being fashionable? Why should young women in their 20’s be fashionable while moms should wear boring clothes? I mean, it is time to remove those useless rules and follow our hearts. I am still the same woman who I was when I was in my teens and 20’s. I still love to wear trendy clothes. Age is not going to change that and I am not going to let people decide what I should or shouldn’t wear.

Don’t allow society or family or tradition to tell you who and how you should be. You decide. Be who you want to be and do what makes you happy as long as you are not hurting others. This is your life and you take the lead. Do what makes you joyful and what you want, not what everyone else expects from you. If you want to be a dancer and not a doctor, then do it. If you want to stay single instead of getting married, then stay single. Don’t let anyone tell you what you should be doing; don’t’ let others decide who you are. You decide!

How a Guitar Changed My Life

When I was young, I was mostly alone. I did not have relatives around me. I had very few friends. So I had to deal with my emotional problems by myself and in the only way I knew: crying and feeling desperate and helpless. Every time I faced a major emotional trauma (and I had many), I used to lock myself at home and cry for months. Then, after the storm had passed and I looked back, I used to realize that I had wasted so much time in crying.

After years of being trapped in this pattern, I made the decision that I will never again waste my time crying. I promised myself that whenever I felt desperate, I will no longer lock myself home and cry. Instead, I will do something useful so that when I look back I will feel that I have used my time wisely!

Lo and behold, after I made the promise, soon enough, an emotional trauma presented itself. However, that time around, I remembered the promise I made to myself. I chose to find something that will fill my time in a useful way while dealing with my pain. What would I choose to do? I remembered an old dream that I had: playing the guitar. I loved music and I all my life I wanted to learn how to play the guitar but never had time nor the means to do it. I decided this was the best time to do it. For a year and a half, I immersed myself in learning this new hobby! And it worked! Music, in itself, is a therapy. I was staying at home but instead of crying, I was practicing my notes. I also felt so proud that I was able to learn the guitar at age 35. It was a dream come true!

The decision to shift the way I dealt with my pain from negative and destructive to positive and empowering changed my life! Since then, my life has changed. I stopped practicing guitar after 1.5 years but the positive way of dealing with pain remained. I have been able to heal a lot of my wounds, I found ways to rise above it, and I have found inner peace and joy. My life has never been the same.

Love Yourself, Embrace Who You Are and What You Love

While growing up, my only hobby was drawing and painting. My parents were rather conservative when it came to extracurricular activities and I was living in the mountains where there were very scarce opportunities for someone to learn new hobbies. So, once I moved to Beirut, graduated from the university and started earning money, I began to invest in other hobbies: playing the piano and latin dancing. Alas! It didn’t last long. A few months later, I met my husband-to-be and everything changed. At first, I was thrilled because I thought we will learn dancing together. But he didn’t want to take dance classes with me, and I thought to myself “I am not going to go dancing alone, so what’s the point of taking dance classes?” As stupid as it may sound, I quit dancing. As simple as that. He did not ask me to quit. I made that decision all by myself. I was so naïve back then. I did not understand life. I did not love myself enough. I did not value myself or my needs and desires. I also stopped my piano lessons because I was too busy spending time with him and had no time to practice. I willingly and happily gave up my hobbies in the name of love. Because that was what I thought love was all about.

Soon afterwards, I got married and spent all my marriage years supporting my husband. I forgot about my hobbies and what I loved and was totally devoted to making his dreams come true. (The only thing I kept doing was painting) Eventually, things did not go well between us. I was very unhappy and was contemplating the decision to divorce. Amidst all the mood swings and hardships, I decided to listen to my inner voice and do something I always wanted to do: go back to music and dancing!

I started taking dance classes and fell in love with Argentine Tango in 2012. I have been in love with this dance ever since. It helped me go through my tough times and gave me the chance to be feminine. Allow me explain this further. All my life, I have been a responsible person, taking charge of everything and doing things by myself. Even when I got married, I was doing everything around the house, from simple tasks like changing the lightbulb to more complex tasks such as managing our house renovation project. I was always making decisions, taking action, following up. I was tired. I felt more like a man than a woman and this feeling was torturing me.

I love being a woman and enjoying my feminine side, but life was hard on me and forced me to live “like a man”. Tango was my refuge. In tango, a female has to allow the man to lead otherwise dancing becomes impossible. In tango, I allowed myself to sit back and be led, to follow instead of lead, and this feeling made me happy. I escaped from the hard real life where I had to take the role of a man, into the magical world of tango where I was allowed and expected to fully be a woman. I love it!

After I got divorced and moved into my own apartment, I am very aware of allowing myself to be feminine every day. I don’t have to rely only on tango. I embrace my feminine energy every day!

................................................................. It is your light that lights the world...................................................
Let it shine now!